Then they go cruising in their golf carts. Can an intervention … What’s wrong? Washing my hair has turned it all white, Calling it blond is just about right. BREWERY SNAPSHOT Get kicked out because you’re too young, get a gold watch and go to work. It's all at Suddenly Senior.". The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road. They go to a big building called the wrecked center. Now add up your score If you remembered 0 to 5, you’re still young If you remembered 6 to 15, you are getting older. A foot of snow was a dream come true. I start by standing outside behind the house and, with a five-pound potato sack in each hand, extend my arms straight out to my sides and hold them there as long as I can. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. It’s night before it’s afternoon. Boy, I’m glad I did! Old friends reconsider their status after an erotic incident. “Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. Try it again. The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. I haven’t felt that good in years! I need to wear these glasses. Some of the most prominent and violent offenders were supporters, officials say. BUT FIRST I’m going to go through the mail. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sunset. The moral of this story: Men are ungrateful idiots, Fairies are female! Programming subject to regional availability, blackouts, and device restrictions. A college graduate who now works as a genealogist, Jeff can't give up his 30-cans-of-beer-per-day habit even though his health is failing, he recently lost his wife, and his children are struggling to cope with the loss of their mother. I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”, The monkey said “Monkey tricks for twenty years? And it doesn’t end there…, Into the ’90s, you start going backward. What is she doing? That makes eighty, okay?”. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired. This top-ranked site now has over 4,000 pages of humor, nostalgia, senior advocacy and useful information for seniors 50+. Some people try to turn back their odometers. This is called monotony. Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly. When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home. So the fairy made a circle with her magic wand and -abracadabra! Carefully the old man cut the hamburger in two, and divided the fries into two neat piles. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. Makes me wonder where she got that ten-dollar bill she gave me for my birthday. Pack (4) $ 22.99. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Over and over and over and over. Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. I want people to know why I look this way. “I must be going nuts,” he thought, “There’s no one here.”, The voice then said, “Please, sir. Old Man Yells At Cloud is an exploitable image of a gag headline featured in a 2002 episode of The Simpsons. Finally, her husband got home. I decide to do work on the car, start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD, AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOOOO BAAAAD. On November 10th, 2015, Redditor Manfrenjensenjen[11] submitted a parody image of the newspaper clip featuring Abe Simpson angrily raising the American coffee shop chain Starbucks' red holiday cup with the caption "Old Man Yells at Cup" in response to the online backlash surrounding the cup's secular design (shown below), which garnered over 4,700 upvotes prior to being archived. Makes you sound like bad milk. I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw, My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell. An elderly looking gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. On the tray was a hamburger, a small bag of fries and a drink. Suddenly, there is a clatter of hooves, a great cloud of dust, and something moving extremely fast from one end of town to the other. Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. The fun doesn’t stop here! The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her, and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”. You see, I’m not old … I’m only mature. Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. PS The preacher came to call the other day. Location data required to access content on mobile devices for any Live TV subscription. As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Bonkers Brian stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. We still have a lot more senior jokes to share with you. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. My car is all paid for, not a nickel is owed. No thanks, take me back to the meme zone! Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”. In the following days, a number of derivative images mocking Eastwood's speech surfaced on deviantART and Reddit (shown below). A group of Sun City Senior citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments: “My arms are so weak I can barely hold a cup of coffee”, said one. Jesus Christ, GO!”. GO! Old Man Yells At Cloud is an IPA that focusses on hop flavour rather than bitterness. I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. Everyone started honking! Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, “Now, what am I here after?”, A senior citizen was walking across a damp meadow when he heard a female voice say, “Sir, I would like to ask a great favor of you “He looked around and saw only a frog sitting on a grass pod. I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am having the time of my life!!!! 'The beer was better,' he said finally. I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…uh???…uh. I told him, “Oh I do it all the time. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?”, “Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”, “Well, um, yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. Wonderful nostalgia. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. MABEL: You can get them at any drugstore. It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles, for sure, But don’t call me old: just call me mature. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. Harris (continuing): “‘I swept the windows and I swept the door, Everybody tolerates each other, and some of the men have actually been known to join in. In the first book of the bible, Guinness’s. The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish…. You BECOME 21!! “OK,” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. Great, up-to-date information on how seniors can save money on drugs. You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them. Let’s die first, get it out of the way. You know how important exercise is, as we grow older. There are some amazing feats of verbal agility, absurdly complex rhyme schemes, flickers of truth, and fires of hyperbole. Then I’ll let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, almost 90 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Double cloudy & juicy, Old Man Yells At Cloud Double is an IPA that focuses on hop flavour rather than bitterness, It’s just double of everything. Now they live in a place with lots of other Grandmas and Grandpas. Check out our Best Senior Jokes Book, our Corny Senior Joke Book, or our Best New Jokes Compilation: Mostly Old Jokes. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. Energy. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in … You can’t remember who sent you this list. Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses, Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things. Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.” Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. The fun doesn’t stop here! Teeth swapping? I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. “I was JUST 92.” Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Start The Next Four Years Off Properly With These 20 Post-Inauguratio ... Know Your Meme ® is a trademark of Literally Media Ltd. By using this site, you are agreeing by the site's terms of use and privacy policy and DMCA policy. Deep Creek Hazy Pale. We still have a lot more senior jokes to share with you. Updates weekly! When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. I head for the door and notice someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Lady Gaga And Joe Biden Team Up For Couple Photo Meme, Indonesian Social Media In An Uproar Over An American's Thread About Living There, For More Nearly Three Decades, id Has Been At The Forefront Of First-Person Shooters, Megumin Is A Fan Favorite In The 'KonoSuba' Fandom, Pro-Landlord Subreddit '/r/LoveForLandlords' Users Can't Get Enough Of The Term 'Rentoid', 'My Grandfather Told Me About Elvis Presley' Meme Would Shock Grandfathers, Fathers. I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants. “Old” is when the porn movie you bring home is “Debby Does Dialysis.”. Again all he saw was the frog, looking straight at him. The line has been a popular reference point for fans, who have re-contextualized the line making it the frequent subject of shitposting on Facebook and YouTube. From my purchase, he took off 10 percent. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. Please help me.”. Old Wives Ales Double Old Man Yells at Cloud. "I don’t want to go all 'old man yells at cloud' but I can remember a time when stouts were a much simpler beer. On Tuesday, January 19, the 40-year-old took to Instagram to promote her Jessica Simpson clothing brand. If you remembered 16 to 25, you are older than dirt. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. Other Websites pale in comparison to the real-life, intimate look into senior lives. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate. It takes up a lot of your time. Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things. You can wear a white shirt to a water theme park. Understand — I’m not old — I’m merely mature. I’ll just put them away… BUT FIRST, need to water those plants. I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians. Old Man Yells At Cloud is an IPA (India Pale Ale) from Old Wives Ales. Coming in at a whopping 9% ABV, Old Man Yells at Cloud Double NEIPA is a suped up iteration of the super popular original version. Out entering wet shawl contests? The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?”, To which the professor of psychology replied, “Yes and I think it’s these damned wicker chairs.”. I don’t think so. Dear Son, The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. Wheelchair racing? Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of GOD! How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America? “I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. (Drexel-5505). They ride around in huge tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore. Pack (4) $ 54.99. “Give me steam,” she captioned the post. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less. Some of the people can’t get past the old man in the dollhouse. A trial is taking place in Mississippi. the husband was 92 years old. I realize this condition is serious. Here are a few suggestions. He watches all day so nobody can escape. On the first day, God created the cow. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. An Oklahoma fan drinks a beer while standing in a student section during the NCAA football game between the Oklahoma Sooners and the Missouri State … Two cowboys, a newcomer and an old-timer, are drinking beer in front of a saloon. The cobwebs are gone. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says that I should work hard so I can also be retarded someday too. The man behind the counter asked, "How old are you? 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