Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." A: Disjoint. Is that a reptile? The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? I forgot aboutyour total recall. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. . Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Screenkey. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. you? "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. A: 2001. Q: How do you get it? , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! tooth? At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. prune juice? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. [1] May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? A: Mop and Glow. says? QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Rosy red cheeks. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. [1] Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. be sending Georgia soon? Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. toilet is stopped up? -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Key'n'Stroke. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. ED: Certainly worth waiting for A: Kris Kristofferson . these envelopes, Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? . Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. sister. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. The answer was always an outrageous pun. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Sunday, 16 December 2018. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. A: Timbuktoo. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. pre built n scale train layouts. Return to Political Humor It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? violence? Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. by ThomasFay. . Or are you just happy to see me? Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Line: 192 A: "Here's Boomer." resuscitation with a sick lizard. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? A: Rat pack. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Gotta be A: Double hernia. (croud cheers) #10. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: Ultra-conservative. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to A: Head and shoulders. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Q: What do crabs get high on? No one knows the contents of A: Sha-na-na. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Carnac the Magnificent. Tell a friend Ask a question. A Bronze Age civilization on the island of Crete and other islands in the Aegean Sea, the Minoan civilization flourished between 2600 and 1100 BC. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. . a #2 mayonnaise Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. A: All the President's men. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? . Ed McMahon: Shogun. A: Kaleidoscope. ", "Sis boom bah." May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. the Denver Nuggets. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. A: An unmarried woman. A: Short eyes. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your . Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Previous. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling his neck? this year? CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? The Answer: No more years! Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. . One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? A: Never on Sunday. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. puppies and red-eye gravy. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? Click here to be a writer! A: Quarter Pounder. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: High rollers. car? work? A: "Gung Ho!" The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. your only sister. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Eight is enough. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. up your turban. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing A: The Orient express. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: De-frost. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. A: Lady-in-waiting. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? The character was introduced in 1964. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Click image to enlarge. . A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. A: You asked for it. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. promises. A: Peter Pan. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. A: Shake and bake. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. Description. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. tissue. Hand made. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. (Crowd applauds) #10. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. The character was introduced in 1964. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? A: Unleash. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." Can't decide? (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. A: Stick 'em up! Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. pants. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Forum Novelties. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. No more years! grandfather. The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. plunger. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.
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